In its third and most-viewed season, “The White Lotus” follows the nuanced and toxic dynamic that often plays out when friends take vacations together.
The HBO series’ large cast of characters includes three middle-aged women taking a trip to recapture the magic of their childhood bonds, only to discover that they don’t have much in common anymore. They fight, gossip and damage their relationships while poolside at a luxury resort.
If you’ve ever traveled with a group, or even just one friend, you might already know that vacations can strain friendships. But your next trip with friends doesn’t need to cause HBO-worthy drama. If you do some vetting beforehand, you can avoid damaging a valued relationship by identifying which friends you should — and shouldn’t — travel with.
Here are three red flags that mean you and your friend might not travel well together.
1. You have different budgets
In 2023, Christie Tate took a trip from Chicago to San Francisco with a friend who had “a lot more resources,” she told CNBC Make It on March 26.
The friction started before the two even got to the Bay Area: Her friend decided to fly first class, while Tate opted for economy. Her friend also booked them a hotel that was out of budget for Tate, 51, author of the bestselling memoir “BFF: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found.”
When their plane landed, the friends had their first of many conversations about money — a notoriously uncomfortable topic.
“I felt like she was shaming me for not spending more money,” said Tate. “The facts are, I don’t have that kind of money.”
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Spending became a pain point for the entire trip, with the pair needing to discuss how much money each was willing to shell out on transit, meals, museum tickets and excursions.
Money chats need to go deeper than the overall cost of your trip, noted Elaine Glusac, author of The New York Times’ Frugal Traveler column.
“Talk about how you’d like to allocate the budget across variables like dining and entertainment,” Glusac said. “If you both want to see a Broadway show, for example, and one wants premium seats and the other is OK in the back row, would you two be OK sitting apart?”
You should especially address topics that aren’t usually agreed on beforehand, like dining budgets, she advised.
“If one wants a fancy dinner and the other wants street food, perhaps you can compromise and go your separate ways one evening,” said Glusac. “But if that is a nightly thing, it might not be the best fit for the two of you to travel together.”
2. You need different amounts of ‘alone time’
Traveling with friends doesn’t mean needing to spend every waking second in each other’s company. If you need ample alone time but every activity on your itinerary includes everyone on the trip, you might not want to vacation with this particular group.
You can avoid potential fights by being open about your preferences upfront before the vacation starts.
“You can agree to do things at a different rate and meet up later for a meal, but you should both be content on your own, which you should hash out prior,” Glusac said.
3. Your interests don’t align
Tour guide Danielle Oteri has navigated dozens of group trips through southern Italy and New York. They’re typically made up of the same archetypes, she says: the planner, the drinker, the one who is quietly boiling with resentment.Â
“There was a situation with a group of friends where somebody wanted to do everything and wanted to get as much information as possible, see every nook and cranny, and the other people on the group trip were like, ‘I’m on vacation. Leave me alone,'” she says.
Traveling with friends who are excited about different aspects of the destination than you are can be frustrating. Before committing to a trip, have honest conversations about why each of you wants to travel, and be sure your interests align.
You probably don’t want to have to convince someone that a museum or show is worth their time or money, just as you wouldn’t want to be dragged out to something you have no interest in seeing.
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