Authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting: What’s the difference?

Searches for “parenting styles” rose 400% over the last month, according to Google Trends data. And while modern child-rearing sources tend to focus on the difference between gentle parenting, positive parenting and lighthouse parenting, it turns out many Americans are curious about a more traditional style: authoritative.

In fact, “authoritative” was the top-searched parenting style in March 2025.

Part of the reason might be because it is often confused with authoritarian parenting, says pediatrician Dr. Mona Amin. “It’s easy to get them mixed up,” she says.

But the difference between these two styles is stark and each have very different long and short-term effects on children.

Amin describes authoritarian parenting style as a “rigid, top-down approach” where the parent needs a high amount of control and provides a low level of warmth.

“There’s not a lot of discussion,” she says. “There’s not a lot of collaboration. So think of the parent that says, ‘Do it because I said so.'”

An authoritarian parent doesn’t communicate boundaries to a child. Instead, they administer a punishment when the child behaves in a way they don’t approve of. The punishment will often “make no sense for the situation,” Amin says.

Let’s say a child has a meltdown in the grocery store.

“An authoritarian parent would say, ‘Stop crying. We’re leaving now. We are not going to the park tomorrow,'” Amin says. “So there’s no acknowledgement of feelings, and there’s a threat.”

While this style might get short-term results of obedience, it can be damaging to kids in the long-term. Adults raised in this type of household don’t know how to communicate their feelings and are more prone to anxiety and mental health disorders.

“Experts, including myself, feel it’s very harsh and doesn’t lend to a lot of positive outcomes,” Amin says.

Developmental psychologist and author Aliza Pressman argues that even the immediate effects of authoritarian parenting aren’t positive. Kids who grew up in an authoritarian household feel more scared of than connected to their parents, which can result in them putting themselves in dangerous situations to avoid being honest.

The older they get, the more serious this habit becomes.

“When they’re a teenager, you run the risk that they would rather be in a hospital bed or in the police station than have you find out that they’ve done something against the rules,” she says.

Authoritative parenting, on the other hand, blends empathy and boundaries.

“There’s high expectation, but also high support for those expectations,” Amin says.

If a parent expects their child to clean their room and they fail to do so, the reaction isn’t punishment. Instead, it’s talking to them about why it’s important to tidy up, validating any emotion they have about finding it difficult or burdensome, but then ultimately requiring them to finish the chore.

This type of child-rearing might take a little more patience in the short-term, but the long-term effects are positive.

“Research shows that it actually is the parenting style that leads to more competent, emotionally regulated children and adults who are better at handling life stress or resiliency,” Amin says.

Children tend to feel safer with parents who are authoritative, not only because there is more empathy but because the rules are communicated clearly, Pressman says.

“They are guided by the guardrails that you feel are appropriate and safe because you have boundaries and limits, but within those boundaries and limits, there’s enough freedom that they feel safe to express themselves and be who they are,” she says.

As adults, they then have more agency because they trust their own judgement. They’ve learned how to regulate their emotions and are able to have better relationships.

The wiggle room a parent allows their child when it comes to fits or tantrums, ironically, can make the child more obedient, Pressman adds: “When you feel loved for who you are and not for how you behave, you tend to behave better in the long run.”

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