All companies have their internal political side, and to coexist in harmony, you have to know how to cope with that invisible plot made up of threads under the table. We could affirm that in many places there is a certain forced diplomacy with which we live on a daily basis.
Everything becomes more complex when you have a team in chargeand your superior is a person with egocentric and authoritarian traits, the kind who always wants to be right and does not listen to or consider the opinions of others.
In these cases, leading under someone like this is not simply a matter of conflicting styles: it is a conflict of values. It is the constant friction between those who understand leadership as a collective construction, and your boss, who conceives it as being on a pedestal. There is a real culture shock here.
A recent McKinsey report warns that self-centered leaders, while effective in crisis contexts where centralized control seems crucial, erode team morale and discourage creativity in more dynamic environments. These individuals do not seek to collaborate; They seek to impose. They do not listen to understand, but to reaffirm their position. And those who lead with empathy and cooperation face a dilemma: resist and wear out, or adapt and betray their principles.
Then, the dilemma appears: can we continually live in forced diplomacy? Perhaps the most appropriate thought is how to maintain your ability to lead with integrity, even when the culture of ego contaminates the environment.
Some roots of egocentric behavior in managers
Corporate egocentrism and authoritarianism is no accident. It arises from a combination of structural, cultural and psychological factors that reward authoritarian behaviors and discourage closeness and horizontality in leadership. There are certain characteristics that these types of people have in common:
1. Fixation for absolute control: They don’t trust their team and assume that only their vision is valid.
2. Acceptance of the style at the high level: It is convenient for many companies to have bosses like this, since they are functional to a verticalist scheme. So they are very good at obeying and enforcing orders, and reducing the possibility of things going off course.
3. Monopolization of speech: The self-centered leader listens to respond, not to understand.
4. Disregard for feedback: Dissent, even constructive, is perceived as personal threats.
5. Construction of a very personal story: They attribute successes exclusively to their leadership and externalize failures. They rarely feature a logo in which they are not the center.
6. Disproportionate responses to dissent: Contrary opinions are met with disdain or retaliation. It is very common for their anger to increase, and their bad manners manifest themselves in forms of verbal and psychological aggression.
The reason for the behavior
To find the roots of this way of acting, there is no single answer. Egocentrism is often the result of deep-seated insecurities, which are disguised by a façade of authority. In addition, they usually have a double face: in the company they are handled in one way, and in personal life they are completely different. This disguise or façade further accentuates the trait of latent insecurity, acting as a character at a corporate level, and feeling weak if they do not have what, apparently, is great internal strength.
These are generally people who are reluctant to personal development, distrust others, and think that, although their team has very good talents, no one is as good as themselves.
Another salient feature is that they occupy spaces in corporate cultures that reward short-term results without questioning “how” they were achieved, perpetuating behaviors that stifle the potential of teams.
- When “the one at the top” is egocentric: the impact on their teams
Working under an egocentric boss is an experience that tests the ethical and emotional fiber of any participatory leader interested in the human profile of the company. The consequences are not trivial, and have a high cost at a human and corporate level:
- Emotional exhaustion: The constant effort to be heard can lead to frustration and exhaustion.
- Reduction of influence: Good ideas are often ignored or, worse yet, appropriated by the boss.
- They are silenced if they think differently. It is very common that in meetings, the authoritarian, egocentric or despotic boss silences any attempt to contradict what he says. This leads to silent, obedient teams, without questioning decisions, and without making constructive contributions that could enrich the task. On the contrary, it encourages an obedient attitude, as long as it does not generate arguments.
- Reactions that do not help. Many leaders react instinctively, either by directly confronting or by emotionally isolating themselves and reducing their contributions and professional delivery. Both responses, although understandable, are not sustainable or strategic in the long term, in addition to being demotivating.
10 strategies to thrive under a self-centered boss
1. Take a strategic perspective on the conflict
Instead of viewing every disagreement as a battle, focus on the long-term impact of your decisions.
2. Master the art of diplomacy
Find ways to present your ideas as complements, not challenges, to the boss’s proposals. For example, if you know that your boss likes data, prepare your presentations based on that, including many of the aspects he has indicated, and adding improvements to what he has raised.
3. Build internal alliances
Create a support network within the organization that supports your initiatives, increasing their visibility. It is not the same as in a management meeting, five people expressing an opinion, aligned, than one person doing so. Encouraging yourself to speak and express is part of this process.
4. Maintain emotional composure
Practice emotional regulation to avoid impulsive reactions to provocative comments or attitudes.
5. Frame proposals in terms of benefits for the boss
Present your ideas by highlighting how they reinforce their vision or reputation. Although it may seem obsequential, it is not strictly so, because what is sought is a greater good for the company’s results.
6. Listen to understand, not to react
Often, the intentions behind egocentric behavior can be exploited strategically if they are well understood. A tool that can be useful is to replace your automatic “no” of rejection with “I understand your point, and…”, that is, you will remove the no, but, or any other expression that that egocentric boss may take as an affront, and you will replace it with “and…”. The perception is completely different.
7. Organize your ideas before responding
A common mistake of untrained managers is that they have difficulty putting limits on their automatic reactions. I suggest that, in addition to preparing meetings in advance, you take notes and organize your arguments. Don’t just leave it in your mind: write down the ideas. This way, you will have more assertiveness, and you will be able to choose the best lines of argument.
8. Identify behavioral patterns
Learn to anticipate reactions and prepare your interactions accordingly. It is not advisable to join the other party’s outbursts; rather, it builds bridges, even if they are very small, to build some consensus.
9. Set subtle but firm boundaries
Without directly confronting, be clear about the values and standards you are not willing to compromise. In many cases, I have suggested to my executive coaching clients to have a brief, to-the-point conversation about forms, and ask the other person, directly, how they would like you to make your points.
10. Don’t transfer your frustrations and differences to your team
It may be natural to feel upset at the reactions of that boss who does not match your leadership style at all. Although this does not have to transcend the level of your people in charge, because the only thing you will do is create demotivation, gossip and deviation from the objectives.
Change your behavior, to change confrontations
As a final summary, here are three suggestions for behavioral bridges that you can exercise daily, and thus learn to live with this type of personality:
– Go from anger to analysis: Use frustration as a signal to understand what triggers your emotions and how you can manage them, reinforcing your internal self-management, to apply at work and personally.
– Move from rejection to strategic understanding: Even if you don’t agree with your boss, because of his style and ways, make the effort to understand his motivations to find points of connection. Don’t expect it to behave as you would like.
– From confrontation to tactical collaboration: Instead of arguing, rephrase your opinions so that they stand out as complementary, not competitive. The reptilian brain that we all have (the oldest in the evolution of the species, which regulates whether we face or flee from situations), is activated reactively in the face of what is perceived as a threat. Therefore, seek not to show ‘threats’ in your arguments and plans, but rather collaborations to improve even more.
Contact:
Daniel Colombo is a facilitator and Master Executive Coach specialized in senior management, professionals and teams; mentor and professional communicator; international speaker; author of 33 books. LinkedIn Top Voice Latin America. ICF certified professional coach at the highest level, Certified Coach, Member and Mentor in Maxwell Leadership, the John Maxwell team.
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The opinions expressed are solely the responsibility of their authors and are completely independent of the position and editorial line of Forbes Mexico.
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