When the season finale of “The White Lotus” airs on Sunday, viewers are expecting lots of questions to be answered: Will Gaitok confront Valentin? Does Piper still want to stay in Thailand? And of course, who is killed?
Audiences will also be tuning into to find out how exactly the girls’ trip storyline plays out. For the last seven episodes we’ve seen three childhood best friends, played by Michelle Monaghan, Leslie Bibb, and Carrie Coon, struggle to bond at this luxury resort. For anyone who has desperately tried to sustain the spark with a childhood friend, this dynamic is all too familiar.
Despite growing apart, developing different values, and physically moving away from each other, childhood friends can be unexpectedly hard to let go. Why is it so challenging to call it quits with someone you talk to quarterly?
There are a few explanations, experts say. Long-term friends can symbolize a part of our former selves that we miss. They can also signal to others that we are capable of maintaining deep relationships for a long time, a quality most people like to believe they possess.
‘It’s like trying to fit into an old pair of jeans’
Childhood friends are evidence that we had some fun growing up, says Eman Almusawi, a therapist at A Better Life Therapy. The memories we attach to them are part of our origin stories.
“It’s like a piece of our identity is woven into these connections, and when we try to move on, it can feel like we’re letting go of part of ourselves,” she says.
If you live in different places and are in varying stages of life, much of the conversation is rooted in the past. You might gossip about mutual acquaintances or reminisce about old romances, all in hopes of returning you to that intimate dynamic you once enjoyed.
“Instead of bringing us closer, these conversations can feel awkward and forced,” Almusawi says. “It’s like trying to fit into an old pair of jeans — what used to fit perfectly now feels out of place.”
‘Who in the world wants to be a person who discards people?’
Having long-term friendships can also feel like “proof” that you’re good at maintaining relationships, says Christie Tate, a writer and author of “BFF: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found.” Just like a decades-long marriage is a sign of success, a decades-long friendship signals a kind of aptitude for sustaining connections.
“[It says] I’ve changed and grown but I’m still connected with these people,” Tate says. “That says I’m a good person who is good at relationships, and to fail feels terrible.”
Being the type of person who loses friends often doesn’t align with the view many of us have of ourselves, she adds.
“I like the idea that I’m a person with roots and long-term relationships,” Tate says. “I don’t like the idea that I’m unable to hold on. That is inconsistent with the narrative I have about myself.”
Even when it’s clear that we just don’t have much in common anymore, as is the case in “The White Lotus,” sometimes it feels more painful to let go than to sit through a passive aggressive dinner.
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